Green Arrows, Fishing, and Kelly Clarkson

A few random thoughts...

Some things have been bouncing around in my mind lately and so this is going to seem like a really random post but…tonight I just don’t care. I have to write about them because then maybe I can better grasp what’s going on instead of feeling like I am chasing the waves as they advance and retreat along the shoreline. It’s basically things that have inspired me, annoyed me, and changed me in the last few weeks.

1.      I was really struck with how happy and cheerful the workers are at this one taco bell that I frequent here in the springs (Hey, what can I say, I really like the hard tacos). But, it just made me realize I could certainly try to make more peoples’ day better and that I don’t say thank you enough to the people who brighten mine.

2.      “…when I have nothing to write about, it’s time to be more adventurous. And when I have nothing I can freely post publicly, then I need to point my adventures in a more positive and productive direction…” This was written in a blog by one of my friends and it really made me think about the writing I do and the way I use my free time. Extremely thought provoking stuff.  And definitely an area I could improve on.

   

3.      I hate when I am sitting at a light…it turns green and the MOMENT, nay the SECOND, it turns…the person behind me honks as if I have been sitting there, oblivious, for the last 27 minutes. Rrrrr!!!!  Yes. I see it turned green. I apologize that my foot wasn’t able to transition from the brake to the gas faster than your hand to your horn. My bad. Sorry for slowing your day down (you moron).

4.      ‘Left on Green Arrow Only’ signs. This has been a pet peeve for years. I feel I have enough personal responsibility to see if a large, moving vehicle is hurtling towards me. If one is coming…I probably won’t turn. Don’t need your help Mr. Arrow. Thanks, but no thanks.

5.      “Maybe I’ll find you…maybe I won’t. I’ll try to…even if I don’t…”  Yeah. That’s where I’m at. I love where I am in life and where God’s placed me and really am enjoying the things I’m experiencing. But I’d be totally cool with doing some of these things with someone else. Like a girl for instance.

6.      “I won’t spend the rest of my life…catching my breath… letting it go. Turning my cheek for the sake of the show…”   I feel like I’ve been doing that a lot over the past few years and recently decided that I’m finished with it. There are standards. There are things I believe. I will stand for them because I believe they are right. It doesn’t mean I will never be wrong but it will mean that I live my life with purpose instead trying to tiptoe around not offending people that, quite honestly, might need to be offended if it will make them think.

7.      Warning: Poor analogy approaching…this one will involve fishing. If you have someone ‘on the line’ and you are just keeping them around so you won’t feel lonely, or so that you will have a fallback if the person you are currently dating doesn’t work out….CUT THEM LOOSE. Please. It’s not fair to girls, or guys. And truthfully, it’s selfish. It’s cruel to do just enough to keep someone hoping for a ‘someday’ that will never come.

8.      People who have amazing marriages/dating relationships are inspiring. I am really blessed to have several examples in my life and it makes me want to aim high if and when I ever date again. Hey… that last sentence rhymed.  I think that means I should end this post now.

Dancing in a Downpour

“…I’m breathing in, you’re breathing out the same…we give and take. And let the water fall… on the flame that’s not burning out…”

Everyone’s had a relationship, whether current or in the past, where the beginning stages feel like a dream. The stages are happening either in slow motion or spinning so fast you can’t even comprehend them. You feel “…in midair…floating off to space…”. It’s wonderful and something that is hard to understand fully.  Ironically, many of these same feelings come at the end of a relationship or at a time when things are difficult with the person you love. You feel lost…but in a much different and horrible way than when you were lost in how much you cared for this person that seems to have suddenly become a stranger. The first verse describes this surreal feeling of being with someone you care about more than you thought you ever could. Then, the tone changes…

“She’s in a town that holds a lonely road…and night is falling. In a home she’s in a lonely room…with music playing. Can she hear my heart…coming through on the door between?

In the second verse, these two people still exist in each other’s lives…but something has changed. Is it distance? Possibly… but what kind? Physical distance is hard, and can be the death of many relationships, but emotional distance can be far worse. To be in the same room/house/city with someone you love and not be able to express how you feel, or how sorry you are, can be nothing short of torture. You can hear the pain, the sorrow, in the bridge:

“Maybe I’ll find you…maybe I won’t. Baby I’ll try to…even if I don’t. You are what I never knew I needed...”

Do they give each other another chance? Can they rebuild? Or has the rain finally taken the flame that, at the beginning, could not be burned out? The easy answer is that they come running back to each other and dance in the downpour once again. But…sometimes it’s too late for that. Sometimes the chance to be with the person you love passes because we think that we can always “talk about it later”. What if this is the last day to save what you have? I don’t know if the characters in this song make it, I don’t know if I’ll make it…if you will. Some days I believe we will…and other moments…my faith is gone. But I do know that pride has no place in our lives and that it just might be the chain that is keeping us from the person we love. Is it keeping you? 

"...I'd rather be a comma...than a full stop"

            “Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands far away; for truth has stumbled in the public squares, and uprightness cannot enter. Truth is lacking, and he who departs from evil makes himself a prey. The LORD saw it, and it displeased him that there was no justice.”   -(Isaiah 59:14-15)

I’ve had all I can take. I cannot be silent anymore. I read the above verses in a few days ago and, if I didn’t know better, I would say that Isaiah is currently living in our time and speaking about our culture when he wrote these words. 

Politics. That one word makes most of us groan. We think of the 7,396,284 ads we see around election time and how many of us wish it would just all STOP! I am with you. I sympathize, more than that, I think it should change. But this post is not about that. This is about something else. I have run across several people from my generation(which is who this post is directed at)in the last few weeks that are planning on NOT voting because of various reasons.

This won’t be a long post. Probably three points…we’ll see if I can stop there once I get going. I’m going to lay out several reasons why we should…no…why we must vote. A couple of clarifying points before I begin. First, I am not going to advocate for a party, or a candidate, in this post. Second, this is my opinion. I realize that it could be wrong and I certainly welcome productive discussion about the topic. Alright, let’s begin.

 First, it is a privilege to vote. Most people in other countries only dream about such a privilege. Also, many, many people have died to give you this freedom. They’ve paid the ultimate price because they believe that you should have the freedom to choose how we as a nation are governed and how that in turn will impact our children and future generations. Now, one could argue that being ‘free’ also means that you could decide not to vote…because it’s your choice. I would say that you are right. You don’t have to vote. But, (and… get ready…beautiful transition approaching…) that leads me to my second point.

Second, as a Christian, you have a responsibility to vote.  Let’s revisit verse fourteen for a moment. “Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands far away; for truth has stumbled in the public squares, and uprightness cannot enter…”. Why do you think that righteousness cannot enter and truth is not welcomed in the public square? Maybe it’s because evil people with no moral compass, or fear of God, have entered these places? Why have they entered? Could it be because, as Edmund Burke famously said, "...all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."? We must speak out for the values laid out in scripture, and help pull this culture out of the death spiral Satan would like to pull us into. By “not choosing a side”, and refusing to stand up for right, you are letting evil people have their way. It’s as simple as that.

The last issue I want to bring up is to counter this argument: “It doesn’t matter if I vote because God is in control and it’s doesn’t matter who wins…God is still in control no matter what”. This is a more difficult question to counter because, as first glance, it seems plausible…spiritual even. However, on closer inspection, this argument doesn’t hold water. Again, to return to my first point, it’s not a neutral issue. The world is being pulled toward evil because of sin and God has clearly called us in scripture to stand for what’s right. God could intervene, and sometimes does, but He has placed us on this world to be His hands and feet. To ignore this responsibility, I would argue, is to ignore what God has asked of us as His emissaries on this earth.  

I could go on, but hopefully this has made us stop and think. Once again, I call upon my generation to stand for what’s right. It is our time. Many of us are now of age to have an impact on how our children will live in the future. So do your research…study scripture…and then vote. I will. I want to be a link in a chain of generations that stand for God and for what is right. I don’t want to be the end of the chain…I refuse to be the final link. A line from one of my favorite songs comes to mind as I close:

“Don’t want to see another generation drop…I’d rather be a comma than a full stop…”

"All we have to decide". My thoughts from Haiti

How do you describe a sunset to someone who is blind? How do you quantify the number of stars in the nighttime sky? How do you talk about an experience that is still changing you when you yourself don't fully understand the ways in which you've changed? 

 

These are the types of thoughts and questions that have been pounding in my mind this last week as I've tried to understand my time in Haiti. There's so much to think about, I don't even know where to start...which is probably why I've turned to writing to try to describe it. When you write you can change, add, and delete the pieces and parts of your story that you don't like. You can type again and again until your thoughts and feelings are expressed. But in life, it's different. It's all permanent. You want to delete some parts, or at least change them, so they don't hurt so much. You wish you could hold onto, or at least appreciate more fully, the good parts of your story. I've made mistakes in my 24 years, but going to Haiti was not one of them. Instead, it is one of the best parts of my story and it's something that I'm trying to keep a hold of and be sure I appreciate as much as I possibly can.

 

Team. That short word is always what jumps to mind first when I think about this trip. Relationships are so important to me and the way that life-changing events form individuals together into a team is one of the greatest things that I've experienced. I loved our team. I could talk for hours about each person individually. I could talk about Chris leading us and the amazing amount of passion he infuses others around him with. Watching him and Marci serve and support each other is something that I certainly hope to emulate in my own life. Then of course I would have to tell you about how mature and giving Kennedi is, mention how many times Kylie inspired me with her enthusiasm and joy, or tell you about Kenzie's seemingly infinite patience with the orphans who kept trying to 'tune' her ukulele for her when she was trying to play it. 

What was it like to be with Colleen and Rita? Well...you would need to invent a word that means both 'hilarious' and 'inspiring' because that's exactly what it was like to be with them. The relationship that that mother and daughter have is a wonderful thing to watch. It was inspiring to see them together with the orphans and 'hilarious' doesn't even begin to cover what it's like riding on planes or talking with them. They make everyone around them smile...all the time. I miss each of these people and the ways in which they impacted all the lives they touched. I miss them impacting mine.

 

Family. I was so blessed to be able to go with my family and spending time with all of them together is something that is one of my favorite things to do. There's a lot of us, it takes us awhile to get places, and we're kind of weird, but I love the memories we make together. One of the best was seeing my parents celebrate 30 years of marriage in Haiti with all 6 of their kids. To have that kind of an example of love and commitment to family to look up to is something that I appreciate as I see more of my friends getting married and begin to look toward that step for myself. And then there's my siblings: Elizabeth, Rachel, Daniel, Rebekah, and Joshua. They're some of my best friends and they added so much to this trip. Probably the best part (other than having someone to talk to on the 24,000 hour plane rides of course), was seeing how they lived the same, consistent lives in Haiti that they do when we're home. I love them.

 

Orphans. I envisioned this trip as a way for us to help, and hopefully bless, the orphans that our church sponsors. But after spending time with these kids, most of whom have very little, I think I was the one who was blessed. They may not have many material possessions, but their joy and love for those around them made me question who was really living the 'better' life. I think I got a glimpse of what Jesus meant when he said "...for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". Loving like a child, forgiving like a child, believing like a child...these are the things that I think Christ was trying to impress upon us when he took time to play with, love, and speak into the lives of children. It left me with the question, are we doing the same for those kids (and other people) that God has placed in our lives?

So, that's it...the short version....that somehow got very long. God did much in my life on this trip. Some things are clear...other things I'm still processing. But in closing a quote from J.R.R. Tolkien seems fitting: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us..." 

 

 

The path marked 'Forgiveness'

At some point forgiveness is the only path left. Or, more accurately, the only path that actually leads you out of the forest. How do I know? Because I’ve tried the other paths…seclusion, bitterness, and regret etc. And eventually they lead you in circles and you end up passing by the path marked ‘forgiveness’ again and again. You see it, know in the back of your head that it’s better than the path you’re on, but are still afraid (or, more truthfully, too proud) to try it. Now, to be clear, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget everything or don’t come out of the forest scratched, scarred, and sometimes bleeding. Those marks will probably be with you a long time, possibly the rest of your life. But when you make a mistake, or are accused, and you forgive, I believe you start to see the more complete picture. It’s the give and take of the world, and our Christian lives, to forgive and in turn be forgiven by those we hurt. It’s what Christ did for us. He has scars from what He went through for us. And part of learning how to walk on His path means dying to ourselves and learning to forgive others in the same way He forgave us.

 I’m getting to practice this in my own life now and while it was very difficult, especially today, for me to forgive ; I realize that it’s a chance to practice what so many others have shown to me in my life. Really, it boils down to changing my pride into humility. I’m not there yet…I’m still in the woods but I’ve decided to try the path marked forgiveness. The words of Jesus when teaching us how to pray have really come alive tonight. “…and forgive us our debts…as we forgive our debtors…”

"...Reason for death and the purpose of time..."

Something from Lucado that has really inspired me lately:


"Should a man see only popularity, he becomes a mirror, reflecting whatever needs to be reflected to gain acceptance. He is everyone and no one.

Should a man see only power, he becomes a wolf — prowling, hunting and stalking the elusive game. Recognition is his prey and people are his prizes. His quest is endless. As a result, he who sees only power is degraded to an animal, an insatiable scavenger, controlled not by a will from within, but by luring from without.

Should a man see only pleasure, he becomes a carnival thrill-seeker, alive only in bright lights, wild rides, and titillating entertainment. With lustful fever he races from ride to ride, satisfying his insatiable passion for sensations only long enough to look for another.

Seeker of popularity, power, and pleasure. The end result is the same: painful unfulfillment.

Only in seeking his Maker does a man truly become man. For in seeing his Creator man catches a glimpse of what he was intended to be. He who would see his God would then see the reason for death and the purpose of time. Destiny? Tomorrow? Truth? All are questions within the reach of the man who knows his source."

-Max Lucado

"...For each age is a dream that is dying, or one that is coming to birth..."

I came across this poem recently and it has quickly become one of my favorite ones I have found. The final stanza is extremely powerful I think and holds a lot more meaning than first meets the eye.

"We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth."
                 -Arthur O'Shaughnessy