"It's just lunch..." Part 1: Relationships, Couches, and Swings

Sometimes when I was younger I would catch myself thinking about the future… I realize now that dreaming would probably be a more accurate description of those days. When I was a few years younger, the colors and feel of the dream would have looked something like this…: coming home after toiling at work all day and getting to see the girl that you were totally in love with, and had somehow married, smile at you when you walk in. Or your little boy (or little girl) run out of the house to see you and show you the latest drawing, scratch, or toy that was currently a matter of gravest importance to them. Then you would come into your small house and see your wife, baby in her arms, and know that you were home…not just the place you lived, but truly home… because it’s all you’ve ever wanted. That is what I used to think would be the logical progression of what life would bring. Thankfully, that is what I had been blessed with when I was a child so I thought it only natural. And I admit, this might seem normal and quite boring to some people and that many might be dreaming of far better things than I did. But for me, that’s what I wanted. However, I think for most, our dreams all include finding that special person that you could spend as much of your life with as God will let you.

But HOW??

Maybe that road has been hard for you thus far. It hasn’t worked with that girl, or that guy just never cared as much as you hoped he would, or hurt has made you not want to try anymore. I think we all want a story like what Adam writes about here: http://owlcityblog.com/2010/09/06/you-had-me-at-hello/#more-1162 and as he closes it he comments:
“What if things like this really do happen? Maybe they happen all the time. Or maybe moments like these NEVER happen and the daydream itself is stretched so thin, it’s become cliché and should be deemed ridiculous.

Can two people, hurting for the same reasons, randomly meet by accident at 2 AM and each feel some innate sense of “knowing” that the search is over? Maybe they’re not even searching at all, maybe they’re both trying to stay as far away from the mere idea of falling in love as possible, all because of past heartbreak and how messed up it left each of them. It doesn’t matter who these hopeless romantics are or where they came from, the point is that they meet, and suddenly the old familiar pain of past shipwrecked relationships disappears. The old aches suddenly vanish. They’re made for each other and they know it”

After reading that story (which please, take the time to read…it’s incredible), all I could say was “Wow… I want what he wrote about” and my next thought was… “I also really want to be able to write like that!” But, my lame writing aside, I do think that he has a point about love and relationships. Even if it hasn’t worked out in the past I think that we all still have this tiny spark of hope that it can work. But what should you do? What should guys and girls be doing to help their chances… or at least not hurting them? In the following posts about this topic I’ll be throwing in quick things that I’ve seen or heard from people that are good, practical thoughts (because if it’s not practical…who really cares?). Tonight though, three or four thoughts mainly for the girls (guys, get ready, the next post will be for you).

- Prince Charming is not going to come to your door looking for you. I think that some girls have the impression that they will sit at home on their couch and not go out and try to meet anyone from the opposite gender, because they are waiting for the “right one” to find them and they wouldn’t want to end up liking someone that wasn’t the person they were supposed to be with. While I am not saying that this way of thinking is totally wrong, I want you to consider this quote by Walt Disney speaking about the Cinderella story: “She believed in dreams, alright, but she also believed in doing something about them. When Prince Charming didn’t come along, she went over to the palace and got him.” Now, while I am not a fan of girls pursuing guys, I think the overall point is sound. You should be out living and doing, succeeding and failing, so that you are in places where you can actually be found by the person you’re dreaming about. I like to say “meet someone you love… doing something you love.”

- Be intentional about what you choose to do. It’s very important for everyone (not just girls in this case) to be constantly checking and thinking about the things that God has given them interest and passion in. If you’re pursuing those things and meet a guy who is like-minded, that’s a huge step in the right direction.

- If he seems ok, why not give it a shot? Alright, so let’s say that you do meet someone that is interested in the same things you are and the mentors in your life (parents, friends, pastor, etc.) don’t see any immediate red flags with him. But… he’s just not quite what you always imagined your guy being like. He asks you out, what should you do? I say give it a shot. If he is brave enough to ask you out and he isn’t obviously an axe murderer, why not try? It doesn’t mean you’ll marry the guy, maybe after one or two dates you know for sure you won’t. But that’s ok. You tried, you gave it your best shot, so you should have no regrets. Knowing you may have let an amazing person get away is far worse than that in my book.


In closing, I know that this area is hard and maybe you are still hurting but I think maybe C.S. Lewis said it best when it comes to love and I’ll leave you with his words:

“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it around carefully with little hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” --C.S Lewis

A Look Ahead...

So tonight I sat down to write and… the words were really just not coming. Not even when I started some music (a common habit of mine when I write), or when I got a snack (also another favorite pastime), and finally I concluded that the factions that were responsible for the warring of ideas going on in my mind needed to take a vacation to Switzerland so that I too could have a chance for some peace. Thankfully now I have some clarity, and later I will tell you the three main topics that were fighting it out in my mind, but currently as I sit here I am thinking about dreams and the future.

Soon, in about a month or so, I will be leaving to start a journey that, in my own small mind, rivals that of Frodo in Lord of the Rings. I will be transitioning into active duty for the Air Force and will be officially closing the doors (at least for now) on school and watching my life as I have known it fade into the shadows and echoes of the past. And as I prepare to begin my act on life’s next stage, I am reminded to take chances and be more trusting of God than I have been previously. I came across a quote recently that really impressed me. It went something like: “When all that is left is a simple shadow, what will we want it to say? Will it contain the colors or our dreams, or just the darkness of our fears?” It was thought provoking and I guess is my challenge to you and to myself as I write this, when you finish the next stage of your life will there be colors and memories, or just darkness? Recently I’ve talked to some friends and they’ve shared some struggles and some things that have really damaged them in the past. And I’m sure each one of us could tell a similar story. But… I guess to me the defining moment comes when we’ve failed, or been hurt, or knocked down… How will we respond? I know life hurts, but the next time an opportunity for travel comes, or that person wants to start a relationship with you, or God calls you to reach out to that person, will you say “no way… I remember how much ____ hurt me last time and it’s not worth the risk” or will you decide to “forget what is behind and press on to what is before…”?

"...say hello, say hello to a new way..."  -New Day by Tamar Kaprelian

I am still learning these lessons myself but coming from someone who has always been a fairly safe person, I have decided that I am determined to try, to fail, and to trust in ways I have never done before. Life will always hurt to some extent but I am so grateful that we have a hope in Someone who does not change and can truly help us give color and vibrancy to our dreams as we seek to follow Him. And, ironically, as I close this entry the chorus of the song playing in the background rings out:

"say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before… say hello, say hello to a new way. I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up, waking up to a new day”.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PusyhO-xANg&ob=av2e

Thanks for reading…

The Future…

Now, as the other topics that want to be discussed start to press in on my mind again after their brief hiatus in Switzerland, I will tell you some of the things that I will be writing on in the future.

Crying and Whispering – lessons learned while on traversing the endless wasteland (aka Kansas)

Youth Survival – Topics about growing up, tips, and secret ninja ways to survive!

“It’s just lunch… right??” – Navigating the world of relationships/dating/ etc.