"It's just lunch..." Part 1: Relationships, Couches, and Swings

Sometimes when I was younger I would catch myself thinking about the future… I realize now that dreaming would probably be a more accurate description of those days. When I was a few years younger, the colors and feel of the dream would have looked something like this…: coming home after toiling at work all day and getting to see the girl that you were totally in love with, and had somehow married, smile at you when you walk in. Or your little boy (or little girl) run out of the house to see you and show you the latest drawing, scratch, or toy that was currently a matter of gravest importance to them. Then you would come into your small house and see your wife, baby in her arms, and know that you were home…not just the place you lived, but truly home… because it’s all you’ve ever wanted. That is what I used to think would be the logical progression of what life would bring. Thankfully, that is what I had been blessed with when I was a child so I thought it only natural. And I admit, this might seem normal and quite boring to some people and that many might be dreaming of far better things than I did. But for me, that’s what I wanted. However, I think for most, our dreams all include finding that special person that you could spend as much of your life with as God will let you.

But HOW??

Maybe that road has been hard for you thus far. It hasn’t worked with that girl, or that guy just never cared as much as you hoped he would, or hurt has made you not want to try anymore. I think we all want a story like what Adam writes about here: http://owlcityblog.com/2010/09/06/you-had-me-at-hello/#more-1162 and as he closes it he comments:
“What if things like this really do happen? Maybe they happen all the time. Or maybe moments like these NEVER happen and the daydream itself is stretched so thin, it’s become cliché and should be deemed ridiculous.

Can two people, hurting for the same reasons, randomly meet by accident at 2 AM and each feel some innate sense of “knowing” that the search is over? Maybe they’re not even searching at all, maybe they’re both trying to stay as far away from the mere idea of falling in love as possible, all because of past heartbreak and how messed up it left each of them. It doesn’t matter who these hopeless romantics are or where they came from, the point is that they meet, and suddenly the old familiar pain of past shipwrecked relationships disappears. The old aches suddenly vanish. They’re made for each other and they know it”

After reading that story (which please, take the time to read…it’s incredible), all I could say was “Wow… I want what he wrote about” and my next thought was… “I also really want to be able to write like that!” But, my lame writing aside, I do think that he has a point about love and relationships. Even if it hasn’t worked out in the past I think that we all still have this tiny spark of hope that it can work. But what should you do? What should guys and girls be doing to help their chances… or at least not hurting them? In the following posts about this topic I’ll be throwing in quick things that I’ve seen or heard from people that are good, practical thoughts (because if it’s not practical…who really cares?). Tonight though, three or four thoughts mainly for the girls (guys, get ready, the next post will be for you).

- Prince Charming is not going to come to your door looking for you. I think that some girls have the impression that they will sit at home on their couch and not go out and try to meet anyone from the opposite gender, because they are waiting for the “right one” to find them and they wouldn’t want to end up liking someone that wasn’t the person they were supposed to be with. While I am not saying that this way of thinking is totally wrong, I want you to consider this quote by Walt Disney speaking about the Cinderella story: “She believed in dreams, alright, but she also believed in doing something about them. When Prince Charming didn’t come along, she went over to the palace and got him.” Now, while I am not a fan of girls pursuing guys, I think the overall point is sound. You should be out living and doing, succeeding and failing, so that you are in places where you can actually be found by the person you’re dreaming about. I like to say “meet someone you love… doing something you love.”

- Be intentional about what you choose to do. It’s very important for everyone (not just girls in this case) to be constantly checking and thinking about the things that God has given them interest and passion in. If you’re pursuing those things and meet a guy who is like-minded, that’s a huge step in the right direction.

- If he seems ok, why not give it a shot? Alright, so let’s say that you do meet someone that is interested in the same things you are and the mentors in your life (parents, friends, pastor, etc.) don’t see any immediate red flags with him. But… he’s just not quite what you always imagined your guy being like. He asks you out, what should you do? I say give it a shot. If he is brave enough to ask you out and he isn’t obviously an axe murderer, why not try? It doesn’t mean you’ll marry the guy, maybe after one or two dates you know for sure you won’t. But that’s ok. You tried, you gave it your best shot, so you should have no regrets. Knowing you may have let an amazing person get away is far worse than that in my book.


In closing, I know that this area is hard and maybe you are still hurting but I think maybe C.S. Lewis said it best when it comes to love and I’ll leave you with his words:

“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it around carefully with little hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” --C.S Lewis

A Look Ahead...

So tonight I sat down to write and… the words were really just not coming. Not even when I started some music (a common habit of mine when I write), or when I got a snack (also another favorite pastime), and finally I concluded that the factions that were responsible for the warring of ideas going on in my mind needed to take a vacation to Switzerland so that I too could have a chance for some peace. Thankfully now I have some clarity, and later I will tell you the three main topics that were fighting it out in my mind, but currently as I sit here I am thinking about dreams and the future.

Soon, in about a month or so, I will be leaving to start a journey that, in my own small mind, rivals that of Frodo in Lord of the Rings. I will be transitioning into active duty for the Air Force and will be officially closing the doors (at least for now) on school and watching my life as I have known it fade into the shadows and echoes of the past. And as I prepare to begin my act on life’s next stage, I am reminded to take chances and be more trusting of God than I have been previously. I came across a quote recently that really impressed me. It went something like: “When all that is left is a simple shadow, what will we want it to say? Will it contain the colors or our dreams, or just the darkness of our fears?” It was thought provoking and I guess is my challenge to you and to myself as I write this, when you finish the next stage of your life will there be colors and memories, or just darkness? Recently I’ve talked to some friends and they’ve shared some struggles and some things that have really damaged them in the past. And I’m sure each one of us could tell a similar story. But… I guess to me the defining moment comes when we’ve failed, or been hurt, or knocked down… How will we respond? I know life hurts, but the next time an opportunity for travel comes, or that person wants to start a relationship with you, or God calls you to reach out to that person, will you say “no way… I remember how much ____ hurt me last time and it’s not worth the risk” or will you decide to “forget what is behind and press on to what is before…”?

"...say hello, say hello to a new way..."  -New Day by Tamar Kaprelian

I am still learning these lessons myself but coming from someone who has always been a fairly safe person, I have decided that I am determined to try, to fail, and to trust in ways I have never done before. Life will always hurt to some extent but I am so grateful that we have a hope in Someone who does not change and can truly help us give color and vibrancy to our dreams as we seek to follow Him. And, ironically, as I close this entry the chorus of the song playing in the background rings out:

"say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before… say hello, say hello to a new way. I was lost, but I found what I was looking for. Waking up, waking up to a new day”.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PusyhO-xANg&ob=av2e

Thanks for reading…

The Future…

Now, as the other topics that want to be discussed start to press in on my mind again after their brief hiatus in Switzerland, I will tell you some of the things that I will be writing on in the future.

Crying and Whispering – lessons learned while on traversing the endless wasteland (aka Kansas)

Youth Survival – Topics about growing up, tips, and secret ninja ways to survive!

“It’s just lunch… right??” – Navigating the world of relationships/dating/ etc.

 

"Against the grain should be a way of life.." -is today your last day?

(First published Tuesday May 19, 2009)

I was just convicted tonight to share something with you guys that God impressed upon me when I was reading in Daniel. I promise I'll try to keep it short and thanks for reading... I just feel it's really important.

"...the hands of time are never on your side"

First, the lyrics that are in the title are from Nickelback's song called "If today was your last day" And...honestly I am not a huge nickelback fan but this is the most thought provoking song I've heard in a really long time... I'll post the lyrics below and then get to my main point...so you can either read them or just skip down.
________________________________________________

"My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
______________________________________________________



I was just very convicted about how much of our lives we spend wasting or not investing in others. I don't know if it's just me but I don't go about my life as if I might die tomorrow. And I just wonder how do we expect to impact people with our lives and give them a reason to say "Now _____ was really a person that cared about people... and I felt drawn closer to God by being around him/her." I guess I especially think of those of us who are not in school right now and have free time...what are we going to do with it? I am challenging myself as well as anyone who reads this to make use of this time so when you get to the end of the summer you'll be able to see lives changed because of the love you showed, the kind word you spoke, or the unseen help you gave to someone hurting.



God further impressed this upon me in my reading in Daniel tonight. I have always admired Daniel because of two main things. First, he survived 4 DIFFERENT KINGS. In that time that was unheard of but it was because Daniel chose to follow God and live every day of his life with excellence. All his conduct was above reproach. Are our lives like that? Because I can tell you mine has far to go before I will get there. The last thing that I will say about this is how incredible it is that when Daniel's enemies wanted to accuse him....they couldn't find anything. At all. They had to make up something because after watching the way he lived... there wasn't anything they could do.



Am I living that way? Are you? It's something to think about and I thought it really was amazing how God used that song and then His word to fit together... thanks for reading...

"Three things which are too wonderful for me...yes four..." -Thoughts on Proverbs 30

(First published March 30, 2009)

So I love reading through proverbs and it's nice because it has 31 chapters so it works out well to read in a month. And I think Proverbs 30 is one of my favorite chapters. It has a lot of symbolism and poetry in it which really makes it memorable. I would encourage you to read the whole chapter but I am going to just put a few verses that stood out to me below.


There are three things that are never satisfied,
Four never say, “Enough!”:
16 The grave,[a]

The barren womb,

The earth that is not satisfied with water—

And the fire never says, “Enough!”

17 The eye that mocks his father,
And scorns obedience to his mother,

The ravens of the valley will pick it out,

And the young eagles will eat it.
18 There are three things which are too wonderful for me,
Yes, four which I do not understand:
19 The way of an eagle in the air,
The way of a serpent on a rock,
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
And the way of a man with a woman.

First, I know these verses are true. And you do too. If anyone has ever just watched people interact with each other (which I love doing), or watched the wind blowing the water, or any other of a 1,000 things in life that are incredible, you know there are things that don't make sense. But why is this?

These verses I've always liked, yet really didn't understand until looking at them today. I loved the poetry in them. Not that I understand them completely, but it makes more sense now. I didn't understand if the writer meant he didn't understand 3 things, or 4, or if he just couldn’t make up his mind! It bothered me. However after studying some commentaries on Proverbs I found that a way of writing, and of saying a list was incomplete back when Proverbs was written was to say: "3 things.... yes, 4..... " . This type of writing was used to show that there were things that are hard, or impossible to understand and that there are more of these things being found all the time. Therefore where should this point us? Well, if you look at the first few verses in this chapter, I believe you can find at least a partial answer. The first few verses say :

4 Who has ascended into heaven, or descended?
Who has gathered the wind in His fists?
Who has bound the waters in a garment?
Who has established all the ends of the earth?
What is His name, and what is His Son’s name,
If you know?
5 Every word of God is pure;
He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.

"Who has bound the waters in a garment?"

Again, this is great poetic writing but more importantly I think it helps to answer the other questions in this chapter. There are things about God that we don't understand because of our own imperfect minds. It's just the way it is. I think that there are things in this world we don't understand and it should cause us to search for answers.... but ultimately realize that God has made some things in nature to point us to Him and how great he is. "Who has gathered the winds in His fists...." These types of phrases show us how great the God we serve is and is why I think verse 5 is so comforting. "Every word of God is pure, He is a shield to those who trust in Him." The thought that the God of the world, who holds the winds in His hands, cares about us and is willing to be our shield if we'll let Him is really humbling. So I guess that is my challenge and the thing that challenged me this morning. Will you be willing to trust Him when you encounter those things in life you don't understand?

Thoughts on Valentines Day

(Published originally on Feb11, 2010)

Hey Everyone,


So over the last few days I've been hearing lots about the big day that is coming up this weekend...meaning of course Valentines Day. From people at CSU, to Facebook, to hearing friends talk about it....it seems that everyone has it on their minds. Now... this might be just me, but I have seen a lot of negative comments about the day from people that are single. And in the past, I would have definitely fallen into this category of people who don't really like the holiday because essentially it proves to everyone that you are indeed still single. And, like many, I have complained in the past about it. However, this year I was praying about it and I really felt the need to say some things to those of us that are single this Valentines Day. So here it goes...

First- I know it is hard but BE HAPPY for those that have someone special (in this case I am thinking bf, gf, husband, wife). And one way to do this is see if you can do anything to make the holiday special for them. For example, maybe swap days at work with that guy who wants to take his girl out and drew the short straw for Sunday evening's shift... trust me....he'll think the world of you if you will do that for him. Or, (this one is one that I need to do) offer to watch your siblings so that your parents can go out and have a nice evening if they'd like to spend some time together. In my case, I was struck with how amazingly blessed I am to have parents that love each other and have given me a great example to follow. So I should be excited to be able to give back to them a little. Another option that I have seen some people do (which is something I hadn't thought of until recently) is....take out a sibling or a friend that is going through a rough time and might really enjoy someone caring enough about them to spend that time with them. I know that it meant the world to me when the people I respected in my life took the time to notice me when I was younger.

Second- Be thankful for the time God has given you right now...even if you are single. Tonight I was listening to a Steven Curtis Chapman song "Miracle of the Moment" and there is a part in there that goes:



"...It’s time for letting go
All of our "if only’s"
Because we don’t have a time machine.
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
Because we are who... and where... and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss
The miracle of the moment..."

I am sure many of you know, but shortly after he wrote this song, Chapman's little girl was killed in a tragic accident. I am probably a little off on this but I think she was only 6 or 7 years old. He didn't have too many more moments with her. And....it just struck me... how many moments do we waste wishing for something or someone else and miss the time God has given us with those we have RIGHT NOW? And since we really never know how long we're going to have with anyone, I just thougt that this Valentines Day maybe we should try to look outside ourselves a little and see all the blessings God has given us right now. I know it is still a hard day.... but God has really taught me (and I am still trying to learn) that if we look outside instead of focusing on our own needs, He will take a lot of that pain away. :)

There is more I could say... but I really do want to try to keep this short. I know I am probably forgetting some important things or ideas that would be a help but, as one of my friends says, please credit it to my head and not my heart. Thank for reading…

"Even the very wise cannot see all ends..."

So this will be my first post on an official blog… and already I find myself at a loss for words. Hmm… hopefully this feeling passes or this blog might be as short lived as my aspirations to be a pro football player. It’s not that I am not really new to writing, I love it in fact. But, I am very new to sharing anything I have written with others. I am a careful person by nature and though I have become far more outgoing and now love trying new things in many areas (traveling, sports, challenges, etc.) I have become more and more guarded with my words and especially what I write for others to see. I am reminded of the verse in Proverbs: “…life and death are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits”. I think these words were never more felt then today in our age of technology where communication through texting, facebook, twitter, and blogs happens on an hourly basis. Words have become very easy to write and, I fear, have lost much of their importance. Because of this, I had always heavily questioned if what I wanted to post was even worth the time it takes to read it. However, I have decided that even if things that I write and think about are not 100% correct in every way, maybe they can be an encouragement to someone at some point in their journey or maybe be part of my growing process similar to the one that God takes us each on as we seek to pursue Him. I am reminded of Gandalf’s quote in Lord of the Rings: “Even the very wise cannot see all ends…” and my hope is that God will use things we say in ways that aren’t even known to us at this point in our lives. If I were to go back in ten years and look at these posts I am sure I would cringe at some of the things I have written and certainly write them differently but in all that is said or discussed my earnest prayer is that God would use something to bless the life of someone else. So thank you for reading this far and I look forward to talking about the great adventure that is life in future days. Now some things to know about my writing style:

1. I occasionally try to be funny… however, this doesn’t mean it IS funny. You have every right to groan as my family does with many of my attempted jokes.

2. I love quotes, lyrics, verses, and things said by far smarter people than me so these things will appear many times as titles or cleverly inserted at other points.

3. I am usually fairly blunt and honest with what I think.

I think that is all that comes to mind for now. Oh, my first few entries will be things that I have written in years past that I don’t shudder too much when I read. So that is how things will start, enjoy the journey everyone.